I've always been a very analytical person...looking at all possible angles...constantly observing...trying to understand the world and my place in it. It hasn't always served me well, being like that. But it has always been part of what makes me - Gina, so I rolled with it. Was this the reason for that spastic colon diagnosis in high school?
Well, the cloud of self-doubt and deconstruction has FINALLY lifted. Now, more so than ever, I am truly living my life. Don't get me wrong, I still look...and see... and try to understand what confounds me and feel more than others around me. But more and more, I spend less and less time in my head. I haven't written in a journal in ages. I barely blog. I enjoy every moment free of worry or guilt or rehashing what I said or shouldn't have said. I create when I want to express myself, not just as therapy, because it doesn't really hurt my craft like I thought it would. I show my knowledge and love in fierce bodily actions, rather than just in my words or images. I don't let the pondering and reflecting consume me with inaction anymore.
No doubt, everything up to this point, has led me to where I am today. And I am happy to say that I can briefly reflect on this moment in time and enjoy its sweetness!
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2 comments:
I was looking around your blog and I saw this, and I thought, hmmm.
Me! Too!
And then I wondered, is there something about the analytical, observational mindset that takes 37 years to work through what our lives are made of?
It feels good, doesn't it?
Warrior Girl :-) you are SO right!
It has taken me many years to become truly "one" with my head and body and I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to hear that you have been through the same or that you can relate to my ramblings.
I love that IMT has put us in contact and must say that I have really enjoyed reading your blogs as you document what your life is made of...
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